i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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