we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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