somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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