you guys were way drunker than both of me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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