i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
