so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
