I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
