there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize