K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
