if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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