When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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