even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
