He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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