My hand turned me down
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize