dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
