high people should be assigned attendants
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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