I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
