Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
