the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
