woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
