If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
