I need to stop coming to work sober
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
