I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
