I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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