this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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