I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
