shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
