its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize