You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
