drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
