she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
