No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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