I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
