im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
