So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize