he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
