I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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