We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
