Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
