He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
