I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
