she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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