I want to walk on stilts...naked
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
