Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
