I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
