I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
