So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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