she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i now understand why vodka
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
