I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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