You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i dont even know how to be here
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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