The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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