Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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