Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize