Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(585): View more from New York

you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"

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(301): View more from Maryland

the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.

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(747): View more from California

by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.

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(248): View more from Michigan

THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST

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(910): View more from North Carolina

dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days

(1-910): View more from North Carolina

you have got to get your shit together

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(216): View more from Ohio

I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!

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