Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
