I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
