We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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