She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't put those talents on a resume
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
