one might say we're banned from that church
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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