no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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