There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
