margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
