I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
