If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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