Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
