Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
