That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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