we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
