Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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