Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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