I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
