Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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