No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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