I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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