You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
