Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
