Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
